Our true relationship with our children is our love along with friendship. Love is by nature, friendship is by choice.
Nature has incorporated love as an integral feature in parent-children relationship that brings both as close as their hearts beat with same frequency and both understand and listen to each other, no matter whatever the distance between their bodies maybe. Many times we have practical examples that the logic doesn’t know about. This is the extreme of relationship that nature has designed itself to ensure and confirm the strength of this relationship.
Friendship is by choice. Choice is based on needs, thinking, ego, behaviour, habits and common interests. So we come across liking or disliking people. The people we like and interact most, become our friends. The friends we have, may have many similarities with us and one another.
Love gives extreme support to both, parents and children to interact with each other and become friends. Why aren’t we friends, is a big question.
If we have a look at our choices in our routine life, the priority of our needs is always money. Focus of our thinking mostly ends up at profit and loss. Our ego always wants us to be higher up with a feeling of our supremacy. Our behaviour generally is impatient. Our habits and our interests also complement our materialistic thinking. Living with this style it seems perhaps we have developed a specific eye to see everything through it. In other words we have established a standard vision for everything and everyone, or we want to filter everything through one screen that our desires have formed for a particular purpose.
Coming to the point regarding our relationship with our children, it seems our normal style that we’ve adopted for living has an effect on our relationship with our children. We unconsciously behave our children as we behave and deal with the world around, seeing them with the only eye that we have developed for our purpose. For example we dictate to our children. Many times we release our stress at them. We snub them for their mistakes and the losses they make for themselves and ourselves, for wastage of their time and our money. Sometimes, rather I should say often, we forget their age while talking to them and moreover that they are in continuous learning process, having new experiences every moment. During learning and experience everyone makes mistakes. I’m sorry but I must say that sometimes we insult our children, punish them physically and hurt their self-respect. Apparently they do not react or even never want to go out of respect but believe me, a reaction takes place in their hearts, they are human beings like us. This reaction increases the distance between us and takes our children away from us and our friendship and it shakes the trust between us. Next time children will hesitate and avoid coming to us and sharing their problems. Do we ever snub or punish our friends? Please think.
In case we have no friendship with our children, or no trust between us, or they avoid us, think how bitter and arrogant our behaviour would be that has damaged, weakened or broken the most strong love-bond created and ensured by nature. We might have continuously used the hammers of rudeness. The pity is that we are doing this all unconsciously.
This type of attitude also damages our children’s personalities. Apparently children look smart and fit. If our children are physically unfit and handicapped, how we worry about it and do our utmost for their recovery, praying and weeping for them at nights. Personality-damage is more severe than the physical damage. Again the same pity, we are unaware and unconscious of that.
I will request all the parents very humbly to listen to their children with patience. Respect their small choices to eat or play etc. Give them sufficient time to guide them properly as I’ve mentioned above that children are in continuous learning process having new experiences all the time. They can make many mistakes. Guide them in a very polite, pleasant and friendly atmosphere, encouraging and pushing them up to take the next challenge. Sometimes giving examples of your own experience of that age describing how you learned from your mistakes, all in a positive approach. If they consider us their guide and model, they will ask guidance from us before they make a mistake. If we snub them they will lose confidence and will not trust us and never come for guidance. They have a very small world. Where will they seek guidance from? Maybe from their own friends who themselves are confused having no clarity of mind. Our children can go astray with this type of guidance.
In the end I would say always to look at the brighter side of your children’s experience even in their failures to appreciate them for the efforts they have made and motivate them to try again.
Appreciation leads to motivation and motivation leads to dedication, the ultimate way to excellence. It can be achieved if our friendship is there when we are involved in this process not only as a guide but a mentor of our children.
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